Sensual Politics: A juicy mix of history and race through BBC Sounds’ Brown Girls Do It Too episode ‘Sexpectations’.

As a writer, I find the journey of a whisper to amplification very fascinating.

Those are the ones with something interesting to say, add meaning to our collective experience. When I discovered the BBC Sounds podcast, Brown Girls Do It Too, which is hosted by two British- South-Asian women, Poppy Jay and Rubina Pabani, it echoed through me violently, especially as an Indian person, who is desperately trying to find a kernel of relatability with the mainstream (read: white) discourse on sex. Hell, I even made a BIPOC Fleabag podcast at uni to calm my nerves! 

In this review, I’m discussing the ‘Sexpectations’ episode of the podcast. It’s a straight-up goldmine of talent, knowledge and a good time! In Brown Girls Do It Too, Rubina and Poppy take a free hand in discussing their sex lives including sexual expectations or as they call ‘sexpectations’, fantasies, likes, dislikes and just about everything. However, it is worth mentioning that throughout this review, I don’t intend to pigeonhole South-Asian identity in anyway but share my own experiences of being Indian.

Episode: ‘Sexpectations’

Starting with the name, ‘Sexpectations’ is utterly brilliant. It breaks down the myth of having sex just to procreate, a belief that persists predominantly in a lot of South Asian communities. Growing up and as a young person, I have seldom understood that having expectations from sex such as pleasure, fantasies, kinks and more, is often deemed sordid, radical, and unacceptable. The ingrained emotion of shame in conversations around sex in these societies causes a crisis of wellness and highlights questions on consent, bodily autonomy and self-agency of women. My views and knowledge of sex so far, has been completely intentional, deliberate and self-taught mostly due to the absence of instruments that could’ve taught me growing up. I’m happy that podcasts like this exist as a reliable friend to people like me. 

More from expectation from ‘Sexpectations’

Learning histories, philosophies, societies, from across the world keeps my cup filled as it gives me a perspective that I attach to everything I do. Listening to ‘Sexpectations’, I realised one of the powerful ways to fight the problem of sexual awareness in South-Asian communities, is by understanding history, where the backwardness came from, who caused it and the like. 

Colonialism didn’t just take over lands but also took over the minds and bodies of people in Asia, Africa and Latin America. Learning about Western civilisations historically, I’ve understood that there were strict gender roles in place, rejecting any mix of masculine or feminine traits, which also reflected in their brutal domination over their colonies in Asia and Africa. Hence, the shame around sex in South Asian communities is highly attributed to its occupied past, making it a tough subject to shake off. Within this contex(xx)t, the Brown Girls Do It Too podcast episode would’ve enlightened me more if it had a brief discussion of how the sexual backwardness in brown communities came about. 

What makes Brown Girls Do It Too so bloody good and BIPOC-approved?

I grew up in a South Asian household that did not have a sex-friendly environment – it was just never brought up. Hence, the podcast is extraordinary and refreshing to hear brown women discuss sex publicly, in a playful and informative way. It challenges stereotypes of what South Asians, especially women, discuss behind closed doors. Having said this, a trigger warning can be issued for audiences who enjoy a more ‘veiled’ (no pun intended?!) content.

Regardless, Brown Girls Do It Too is an extraordinary podcast that has helped me de-shame my own desires and think about my bodily agency. It’s very refreshing to have two brown girls talk about sex, taking charge of women’s wellness.