Becoming a Magical Girl: A Glowing Wand Review

Y’know, I was going to start this toy review with a silly rendition of a little tagline from one of my favorite magical girl shows, Sailor Moon. Halfway through, I realized that it may not have been the best decision to start the review with something so jarring. Instead, I’ll introduce the star of the show (and the whole point of this godforsaken article): The lustrous Ollie Glow!

The Ollie Glow was the first (second?) high quality toy I’d ever gotten for myself. I was working my first actual job in retail and decided I wanted to treat myself.

* ⁠･ ⁰ Enter Unbound ⁰ ･ *

The decision to get the glow didn’t jump out of nowhere, as I had recently decided to follow the Instagram of a certain company by the name of Unbound Babes, a woman-owned, generally queer operated sex toy company. From the colorful aesthetic of their website, to the absolutely hilarious content of their Instagram posts (and the promise of discrete packaging!) I was immediately drawn to their brand, and before I knew it, the Ollie Glow showed up at my doorstep (Or my best friend’s doorstep, since I was too much of a weenie to get it delivered to my own place).

The packaging was sleek, smooth and covered in witty puns (thank you, Kate), bragging of 8 vibe patterns, medical grade silicone, a magnetic usb charging cable (universal to all of their toys), and being completely waterproof. Opening the package felt like opening Pandora’s box—thrilling and terrifying at the same time.

I bought… a sex toy? And it glows in the dark?

And it happened to be the best purchase I made that year.

Now that I’m done yapping, we’ve come to the meat of the review. Spoiler alert: it was a magical experience.

The Unbound Babes website uses three sliding scales to set parameters for what constitutes the perfect vibe; vibe strength, vibe size, and ease of use. To keep things nice and organized, I'll be using these metrics to describe my experience with the Ollie (Glow!) and give you a rating.

Vibe Strength

There are 5 vibration intensities and 3 patterns. I generally only used the first two (I would rarely go to level three, any higher and I’d go numb) and… wowza. I go brainless when I use this thing. I would say it's quite magical, but with great strength comes (hehe) greater (and louder) noise.

Vibe Size

It is a vibrating wand which, unlike a magical girl wand, doesn’t fit in the palm of your hand. It’s about a foot long, and also quite heavy. It’s pretty conspicuous (not to mention it glows in the dark), so you’d have to keep that in mind if you have to hide your wand (magical or otherwise) from prying eyes.

Ease of Use

It has three buttons, the power button, a plus (+) and a minus (-). Like you’d assume, pressing the plus increases the intensity and the minus decreases it. However, you have to hold the power button for approximately 3 of the longest seconds imaginable in order to turn it on/off. I have had notable issues turning the wand on and off when I press the buttons at a specific angle.

Sometimes when I need it most (like after I just heard a sound outside my door), I hold the button for what seems to be three seconds, but after five seconds, the wand is still going (and the sound is getting closer). After repositioning my finger to press the button again, I have waited a total of 8 seconds to calm the terrified beating in my chest because, as we have previously established, the vibe is LOUD. 

WAIT!

What about the glow factor?

Oh, right.

The only way I have ever gotten this wand to glow properly (in order to be pic worthy) is by rotating in the sunlight like a rotisserie chicken for about 5 minutes. The glow lasts for quite a bit, but if you want to take pictures, you need to be quick.

(The bright glow only lasts for about 30 seconds, then it doesn’t really pick up on my camera.)

Overall, I would give the Ollie Glow 4 out of 5 transformation sequences.

It’s not the subtlest toy, nor was it designed to be, but it lends to great fun and-

IT’S DISCONTINUED.

Wow.

I did buy my wand a little over 2 years ago. Figures.

You can still buy the original (non glowing) version of the Ollie. Isn’t she cute?

I hope you found this (at least) entertaining. I’m gonna go save the world now.

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(Post reviewed and edited by Niamh)