Wax Play 101: Getting Kinky With Candles

It flickers on the edge of my vision, a flame dancing on a wick and chasing shadows up the wall. My partner picks up the candle, still lit, and slowly raises it above my stomach. “Are you ready?” they ask. I can’t speak through the excitement and anticipation. I nod ‘yes’. Seconds later, the first drip of hot wax slides over my skin. Heaven.

Wax play, sometimes called candle play, can be an incredible experience if you prepare. Not sure what being prepared for wax play means? That’s okay, we all start somewhere! The Wax Play 101: Getting Kinky with Candles guide is here to walk you through the basics.

What Is Wax Play?

Wax play is a kinky activity that involves pouring melted wax over skin. Whether it’s the stimulating heat, the sensation of dripping liquid, or the feel of hardened wax on the body, there are plenty of reasons people enjoy wax play.

This type of temperature play is often associated with the BDSM community. Using hot wax for pain play, as part of a scene with your dominant or submissive, or while one of you is tightly bound can be an exciting way to spice things up!

Best Candles for Wax Play

You shouldn’t use just any candle for wax play. Those pillar candles and tealights you’ve got stored in your kitchen drawer? Please leave those where they are!

Wax play candles are a thing, and I’ll always recommend sourcing these over using whatever candle you have to hand. Wax play candles are made of soy or paraffin, which burn hot enough to please but (if used safely) not scald.

Massage candles are a great alternative. These candles are made with moisturising oils and butters, and while slightly different to full-wax candles, they’re ideal for getting used to the heat and sensation.

Stay Safe!

Candles burn at different temperatures depending on their ingredients, and not all candles are skin-safe. Using a candle not designed for wax play or massage is risky!

If you’re going to use candles that aren’t designed for wax play or massage, DO YOUR RESEARCH. Remember:

• Ingredients like beeswax, palm wax, and stearin burn at too high a temperature to safely pour onto skin. 

• Added scents and dyes can change the burning temperature of soy and paraffin candles. 

• NEVER use a candle for wax play if you’re unsure of ingredients and burning temperature.

Preparing for Wax Play

There are a few things to do before lighting your candle, and consent and communication are top of the list. Talking about boundaries, limits, expectations, and safe words can help make sure everyone has a good time.

With wax play, there are a few other precautions to take, mainly related to fire safety. The checklist below offers a basic guide to preparing your space:

• Have a flat and sturdy surface available to put the candle down. This should be within easy reach during wax play.

• Use an old or disposable sheet. Wax play is messy, there’s no way around that. 

• Keep an ice pack, soothing burn gel, damp cloth, or first aid kit nearby just in case!

As well as your space, you can prepare your body for wax play. You could:

• Shave any body hair that you don’t want to be pulling wax out of (e.g., pubic hair, armpit hair, or leg hair). This can make clean-up easier.

• Speaking of hair… tie yours up! It’s not necessary, but tying up your hair (especially if it’s long) reduces the risk of it catching on the candle flame.

• Patch test the candle on your hand beforehand to check for allergies or sensitivity. This isn’t a fun thing to discover mid-scene!

Side Note: PLEASE DO NOT USE BABY OIL BEFORE OR DURING PLAY. It can help remove the solid wax, but it’s also flammable. Use it after play to help with clean-up.

Tips for Pouring

There’s no one right pouring technique, but there are safe and unsafe ways to pour. If you want to have the time of your life, it helps to know what these are.

Keep it Lit

You can keep your candle lit while pouring. Simply hold the candle at a 45 degree angle, giving it a little tap if you like, to let the wax drip.

If your candle is lit, I wouldn’t recommend holding it upside down or letting the flame touch the wax. This could end up in wax that’s too hot for comfort being poured onto your partner.

Blow it Out

Blow out your candle and let it cool for a sec (not long enough to solidify), then pour. This is a great technique for newbies, or those who want to play with lower temperatures.

General Pouring Tips

• Pour from about an arms length away, especially while still figuring out what you’re comfortable with. The closer you pour the hotter the wax will be when it reaches your partner. The distance allows the wax to cool a little before impact.

• Avoid pouring wax on wounds (including fresh tattoos).

• Avoid pouring wax onto the face by keeping play below the neck. Having wax accidentally poured into your eye is less than ideal.

Aftercare

Aftercare is a crucial step in any scene or kinky activity. It involves creating a space for you and your partner to wind down, work through your emotions, recover from mental or physical exhaustion, or deal with the aftermath of the release of endorphins and oxytocin during sex.

You and your partner should feel like they’re being heard and cared for, even after play ends.

What aftercare involves will be personal to you. It could include physical contact (e.g., hugging), getting them a glass of water or snack, helping them to relax with a hot bath or massage, or talking through thoughts and feelings.

There are some steps which can help to create a positive wax play aftercare experience. The first is peeling the wax off your partner. Not everybody will want you to help with this (some like doing it themselves), but don’t abandon your partner to clean in isolation. 

The second step is checking for injuries and burns (even minor ones), and helping to soothe any sore areas. This is particularly important with wax play, as it’s so easy to get lost in the moment and not notice how sore the wax has left you until you’re finished.

Wax play can be an experience like no other, but it’s not without its risks. If you want to get the most out of it, communication, choosing the right candles, pouring with consideration, and practising good aftercare can make for an unforgettable time.

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(Post reviewed and edited by Niamh)