I Tried an At-Home STI Test Kit
Sometimes it feels like being an adult is just an endless list of admin tasks. It can be easy to put things off, especially if they feel difficult or uncomfortable or are in any way inconvenient. And I’m not gonna lie – healthcare check-ups can definitely feel like that.
As essential as being confident in your sexual health is, a clinic visit might require taking time off work and either driving or paying for public transport. Once you get there, you have to deal with the potential awkwardness of speaking to a nurse about your sex life, exposing your body to a stranger, and potentially facing discrimination.
For marginalised people of all types, it can be extra difficult. Healthcare providers often aren’t trained or experienced in supporting any marginalised people. And when it comes to sexual health especially, you’re probably already feeling vulnerable and awkward, so added discrimination or discomfort is the last thing you need.
We’ve all put off making an appointment we don’t feel like we really need or want to avoid. Grim as it is, though, no symptoms doesn’t mean that everything is fine.
But gone are the days when you had to go to a clinic for a check-up to be on top of your sexual health. You can get tested from the comfort of your own home. But how easy is it? What’s the process like?
To start off: some disclaimers.
I’m not affiliated with any sexual health service provider. No one is paying me (although if you’d like me to promote safer sex programmes, hit me up!).
I can’t tell you what every STI test kit service out there is like – especially when so many of them are location-specific. Not only am I ineligible to test them all, it would be a huge waste of time and resources for me to try.
This is my personal experience with one provider.
I can’t tell you about the tests specific to people with penises, since mine are made of silicone and/or foam and were sold separately.
Ordering my test
I began the process by typing “free at home STI test kit uk” into our internet overlord (also known as Google). The first result was SH:24: an NHS-affiliated sexual health service.
Right at the top of their homepage, I was prompted to put in my age and postcode to check my eligibility. “Good news,” the next page told me, “You can get STI testing for free from SH:24”. Perfect. We were off to a great start.
I’m not sure exactly what ages would result in a negative here, but their About SH:24 page provides a handy list of regions they cover. Outside of these, there will probably be other options. My initial Google search definitely revealed some location-specific choices so (at least for the UK-based reader) I suspect you’ll have options.
But back to me: after confirming I was eligible, I clicked the button for “Order an STI test”. This brought me to the following page:
It all looked easy, straightforward, and clear. I appreciated the overview of what the process was going to look like, and felt pretty confident about this whole process as I clicked on ‘Get started’.
That’s when I was asked for my postcode to confirm that SH:24 was available in my area. This seemed a little weird when I’d just confirmed my eligibility a couple of screens ago. But sure, I’ll do it again.
This time, though, the result I got wasn’t so positive.
“We're unable to take your order today. Sorry for the inconvenience. Please try again tomorrow.”
Well, that’s a bit of a setback.
“We have a high demand for our service in your area. We are only funded to provide a set number of test kits each day.”
In their defence, I did try to order the kit at 7PM on a Thursday. It’s not as if you can get appointments for in-person healthcare immediately either, right? Though that does make the ‘24/7’ bit feel a little deceptive… Regardless, I moved on with my evening with the mental note to try again tomorrow.
Remember how I said it’s hard to keep on top of all your admin tasks? Well, in true probable-but-not-confirmed-ADHD fashion, I managed to forget that this might have to be a ‘first thing in the morning’ one. My bad.
It was 2PM on Friday when I tried again. Same result: try again tomorrow. I had plans for Saturday morning so my first chance to try was midday. None available in my area.
Seems like ordering an STI test is like booking a GP appointment or trying to get concert tickets: better get on it as soon as it opens or you’re shit outta luck.
Ordering my test (for real this time)
Sunday morning rolls around. Not looking to get caught out again, I make it one of my first tasks of the day. And, finally, I move past the postcode check to another date of birth question to check my age. While I did put this information into the homepage when I first started, I guess those two boxes aren’t linked up. So I give it to them again.
After that, I’m asked if I’m showing any symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection. If I was, I would probably have tried to book a GP appointment as well as trying to order a test. I’m not sure which would have been faster.
Next up, some terms and conditions:
When I’ve agreed to those, it’s time for the ‘about you’ section. As a trans person, I appreciated that they made it clear that this system is able to handle us existing and asked both how I’d describe my gender identity and whether this matched my assigned sex.
I’m assuming they’re using the same inclusive criteria for the last question here as they did when asking about my gender identity. That said, it doesn’t leave room for non-binary people or let me know what they think qualifies as ‘sex’, or whether they’re implying ‘recently’. It’s been a good few years since I’ve had sex with a woman – does that still count? I’m not sure, but I selected both anyway.
Following on from this was another question about my sexual orientation, one about my ethnicity, and one about my country of birth. All fairly standard, pretty much the same as on other healthcare or government-adjacent service questionnaires.
We then move onto the consultation, where I’m asked if I’ve had unprotected sex within the last five days. But after that, I get a support screen, warning me that the next questions are going to be about sexual assault.
Assuming it meant recently, I answered ‘no’ to this in my consultation, but out of curiosity, I went back and filled it out again to learn what support they offer or if that changes the process. If you click ‘yes’, they signpost support both on this page and through text when you complete your order.
After this, they asked about my risk factors, including:
If I had been diagnosed with HIV (which apparently means the tests they offer won’t work for you).
If I had been vaccinated against hepatitis B.
If I was taking PrEP.
If I’d injected drugs or had sex that involved using drugs, groups of people or fisting since my last STI test.
If I’d ever paid for or been paid for sex.
My consultation completed, I moved on to the tests that had been selected for me based on the information I’d given. My chosen tests were for chlamydia, gonorrhoea, HIV, and syphilis. This would consist of a mix of blood tests and swabs. Then, for the genital tests, I was given the option to select whether I would provide a swab or urine sample.
Again, I appreciated that this was actively trans-inclusive and let me make an informed decision about which kit to select. If I’d had the option to pick ‘both’ as a trans man, I would have, but I decided on testing using the swab.
I was also asked if I’d ever been treated for syphilis, as this affects how they do their tests.
Finally, I made it to the delivery details section. I gave them my full name, email address, phone number, and the verification code they promptly sent me. All of the updates for this service come through as text messages, so you can only use one phone number per person.
At this point, I was asked to confirm my delivery address based on the postcode I provided back at the start. Then, I confirmed my full order, including the tests I’d be getting.
It took longer than I anticipated, but we got here. Now all I have to do is wait the allotted 5-7 days for my test kit to arrive.
My test kit arrives
My kit arrived on Thursday – four working days after I’d ordered it. True to their word, it was a discreet box that fit through my letter box. I wouldn’t really have cared if my housemate had found out I was ordering an STI test, but it’s good to know that it’d be my choice to tell her.
Opening the package was a bit like a game of pass the parcel. The package contained a plain brown box, pre-labelled for me to return the tests. And inside that box were four smaller paper packages, containing the equipment for blood, throat, vaginal, and rectal testing.
Each kit has the instructions printed on the inside of its wrapping, as well as an inventory of the equipment. Having these easily accessible and easy to follow instructions made me feel confident that this process was going to be straightforward.
The blood sample
I started with the blood test. In retrospect, I actually regret doing it this way around and should have done it last. Pro tip: it’s easier to do all the other tests when you don’t have a plaster on your middle finger. But I didn’t do that.
As well as the written instructions, the blood test kit comes with a URL to watch a tutorial on how to use a kit. Out of all four of the tests I used, this one has the most steps, so I did appreciate having an additional resource to consult.
While the instructions were fairly easy to follow, I found it hard to find a table or other flat surface at the right height to take the test while standing but with my arm straight and my hand able to sit below my waist.
The video also assumes you’re only taking the one type of test, so it’s good that I didn’t follow it too directly, because I’d need to put all my samples into the specimen bag, and sealing it right after completing my blood test would mean I couldn’t send any of my swabs. If I hadn’t opened and read the instructions for all kits in advance, I might not have realised this, though.
Maybe it’s just me, but dripping blood directly into the sample tube was NOT as easy as they made it look. I had to clean the sides of the tube and the table after, because it really didn’t like to go directly in. I wish I’d thought to put a tissue or wet wipe down to make that clean-up easier.
The vaginal swab
All of the swab kits function in pretty much the same way. You get what looks like a long cotton bud, swab the relevant area, carefully drop it into a test tube of liquid, then seal the tube up. The only difference is what you’re swabbing.
For me, the vaginal swab was the easiest. The swab is thinner than a tampon, so it’s not too difficult to insert. I won’t say it’s comfortable, though. The other key difference between this and a tampon is that both the swab and your vagina are dry as hell during this whole experience. But it is a medical procedure, so I was never expecting comfort.
The rectal swab
Though I did sign up to get the rectal swab, I’ll be honest: I’m not generally one for anal. I won’t say never, but even fingers just aren’t doing enough for me to be worth it.
Despite that, if I was going to take anything up the ass, I’d usually want to clean up first. But for an STI test, would that contaminate the sample? I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to risk it.
This is Sex Tonic: In ConteXXXt so I feel like I can be honest with you all. I was a little worried about leaving residual shit on my sample swab. And it happened. Not a lot, but enough that I had to silently pray that they could still test the sample. Had my attempt to avoid contamination unintentionally contaminated it more?
Maybe I pushed the swab a little too far up? It’s hard to judge how deep the sample has gone – or at least it was for me. Or maybe I should have tried to douche before the sample after all.
The throat swab
The throat swab reminded me of the older COVID-19 tests, including both throat and nasal swabs. Yet, somehow, this one managed to make me gag even more than the COVID tests ever did. The instructions said to swab the sides of your throat to avoid gagging, but that did absolutely nothing for me.
I also couldn’t easily figure out how long I was supposed to swab for with this one. I’m not sure exactly how long I lasted, but I gagged at least six times (and the ‘squeeze your thumb to limit your gag reflex’ hack did nothing for me). I felt slightly shamed by it, honestly.
Getting my results
After all that, I packed all my samples into their little biohazard bag, filled out my lab card, and sealed up the box.
Fortunately – because I’m convinced that the Post Office is a circle of Hell – I could drop the box off at any post box. So I posted it on Friday evening after work: a few days after I’d ordered the kit, and just over a week after I first began my self-test quest.
First thing on Tuesday morning, I got my results via text.
I was seriously impressed with the speed of it, especially considering how long I’ve waited for blood test results through my GP and that it had been sent right before the weekend.
Final thoughts
It’s a shame it was such a palaver to order the test, because everything else went really well.
The interface looks simple, but running into the “We're unable to take your order today. Sorry for the inconvenience. Please try again tomorrow” screen more than once could definitely make a less committed person quit trying.
In their defence, SH:24 do explicitly say that it’s due to limited funding. I hope they’re able to show the people who control funding just how many times they’re turning people down for STI tests, because I’m sure I’m not the only one. I did play around with postcodes in each of the regions they serve and found that the majority of them were fine, so it seems like your experience is going to be entirely down to where you live.
Even having had those complications ordering, I’d definitely recommend getting an at-home test kit. Especially if you live somewhere that has a free option, you really don’t have anything to lose.
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