Say Yes to the Yap: A Gemini's Take on Talking Dirty

On the precipice of my tongue tip is a cresting wave of words, chosen and sequenced just for my love and the pleasure I want to elicit in them. I watch their eyes widen at the first hint of my lips beginning to part from their resting smirk. I take my time, pausing liberally as I see fit throughout the phrases that pour out. I lap the shore of their body from a distance, I can touch them across the room or the Atlantic. I take hold without even lifting a finger.

The resident yapper of the Zodiac: Gemini.

Dirty talk is an immensely powerful tool of seduction. When wielded skilfully and patiently, it can lay brick by brick the castle of your wildest fantasies (think: Sherlock’s mind palace but sexier). But without a strong foundation of confidence and connection, I’ve seen how devastatingly easy it can be for a misplaced word or two to topple that castle like a Jenga tower.

As the resident yapper of the zodiac, the Gemini [Sun] in me is itching to discuss - are you down to chat? I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve that I hope will help…

Warm Up with Some Ad Libs

Sex is like a song, driven by a catchy rhythm and crescendoing as it builds to its peak(s). Sometimes there are lyrics, although this component is by no means essential in every track. And oftentimes a singer will shift into the lyrical portion of a song via some kind of vocalisation first. Maybe an “oooh” or an “ahhh”, possibly a word or phrase that becomes part of a later refrain once the groove gets going.

They tend to go for whatever feels right in the moment and helps them flow into the main melody, bridging the gap from silence to sound. It can help to approach the initiation of dirty talk this way as it eases the transition into a verbal dialogue existing alongside the conversation between your body and theirs. Even one singular moan (in a particular tone) can say a LOT.

Cultivate Confidence

Just as the gap from silence to sound is initially awkward to traverse, like crossing a wide-open echoey canyon, generating the confidence to try out some dirty talk with a partner for the first time can feel pretty intimidating and unnatural. 

A great method I’ve found for counteracting this fear is to embody a sense of characteristically Gemini playfulness so as to keep things light and laugh off anything that ends up going pear-shaped. You can do this regardless of your actual zodiac sign or whether you believe in astrology at all; think of it as an archetype you can channel to show up to new sexual experiences with a curious, yet laid-back attitude.

A couple of techniques I’ve got for you in that open-minded, explorative, and slightly silly vein are:

• The ‘Yes/No’ Game

Rather than launching straight into outlining an overwhelmingly elaborate scenario, a more gradual and organic approach is to begin by alternating between telling a sexual partner “Oh YEAH” or “NOOOO, don’t stop” when something feels good and you want it to keep going. A next step might be to describe why that action feels so nice in more detail, and then from that point there are a lot of fun avenues you could go down…

• Cut the Eye Contact

This one may seem counterintuitive off the bat, but it’s never failed me. If you have something sexy you want to say but feel too shy in the moment, find a way to break eye contact while maintaining some physical closeness (e.g. whispering in their ear, turning away while continuing to touch them, or even simply closing your eyes) and say it softly if you can’t muster up much volume - it could turn into a reeaaalllly sensual moment!!

Figuring Out Your Style

It can take some time and experimentation to get a feel for the type of talk that suits you best.

In certain ways, the development of your dirty talk style mirrors how your personal taste evolves in fashion or music. Something new catches your eye (or ear), if it interests you enough you decide to take a closer look/listen, you try it on for size and assess how it makes you feel, and if it makes you feel good you come back to it again and again.

What sets your personal taste in dirty talk apart, however, is that it is in fact not entirely personal. While you will likely have an array of preferences that underpin how you navigate sex as an individual, the inherent nature of engaging in sex with one or more other people is that each person’s preferences not only direct the experience but also may influence one another.

If there’s one thing I swear by as a Gemini - an astrological sign epitomised by duality and communication - it’s some introspective back-and-forth, be it internal or external. So, if you’re not sure where to start with figuring out your style of dirty talk, here’s a handful of questions you could ask yourself and/or your sexual partner(s):

• Do you feel like roleplaying, or would you rather keep it more realistic?

A good jumping-off point is clarifying if you’re going to be referring to each other using terms associated with a specific kinky fantasy you have. If you regularly enact a number of different fantasies, you might build up a vocabulary for each one over time.

• How might your dynamic with your partner(s) impact the way you want to talk dirty together?

Whether you identify with a particular type of BDSM dynamic or have simply observed yourself/a partner leaning more toward a dominant or submissive role the majority of the time, this will affect who tends to tell who what to do and with what degree of authority.

• Which compliments that you’ve received from your partner(s) live in your head rent free?

I’m talking those remarks that make you blush whenever you recall them, the ones they deliberately keep bringing up to get a (pleasurable) reaction out of you. Take a mental note of the adjectives that come up and the body parts you most enjoy being praised for.

• What are the most affirming descriptors for your body?

What we prefer to call different parts of our bodies during sex can be deeply personal as well as liberating. It could pertain to what we feel fits best for our gender identity/expression, or certain words might just make us cringe - either way, it’s always nice to check!

Dirty talk is a verbal art that facilitates fun, feisty foreplay that flows into sweet, salacious sexual experiences. Amidst the fantasy of it all, it’s good to stay grounded by taking it slow and keeping things a little bit silly, gradually building up confidence and sustaining a communicative connection with your partner(s) as you go.